On Control

 On Control


Do you absolutely hate it when a new season of your favorite show comes out and you see a reel with spoilers? Or when you’re reading a popular murder mystery and your friend tells you who the killer is?


Yeah - well, we’re not the same.


It's an unpopular and slightly controversial opinion, but I do the exact opposite. I look up spoilers. I read up on the plot of the murder mystery before putting a film on. I google who the murderer is before I finish the book, I just really prefer…knowing everything. I like being aware and informed of every single thing ahead of time. For me, everything that I watch, read, and do is a puzzle that I need to know the answers to before I even begin.


For the longest time, almost everyone who saw me do this would make fun of me, saying, “Where’s the fun in getting spoilers?” and I totally understand. I never had an explanation for this except that I would really not feel okay if I didn’t know everything that’s about to happen. I brought this up as a joke in therapy once, and you should’ve seen my face when my therapist said that she wasn’t surprised to know this, and in fact, she expected it. I finally had an explanation.


Looking up spoilers was a way for my mind to feel ‘in control’ of things.


This obviously does not mean that I can change the way things end, but it eases the uncertainty that is generated while watching a show/reading a book. In an article by Time magazine, Angela Haupt writes. “For many people, not knowing what happens leads to anticipatory stress, or an increased stress response triggered by an unpredictable plot.” In simpler words, knowing the plot reduces anxiety and helps to feel reassured and safe.


This also explains the concept of comfort shows or even comfort meals. They bring us a sense of familiarity that feels comfortable. I think watching friends after a particularly stressful day or coming home tired to a bowl of dal chawal — sure, watching friends or Gilmore Girls on a bad day will not magically make me feel better, but it will definitely reassure my mind that some things are still the same. Some parts of life are still comfortable.


The thing about this kind of control is that it’s like a shield. It's a way to survive things that I didn't have the tools to understand. But at the same time, I think it’s essential to know where to draw the line. While it’s absolutely harmless to want to show spoilers, it can get ridiculously exhausting when you stop letting life happen and try to choreograph every second of it. Ironically, trying to control everything just makes life even more stressful because no amount of planning can ever grant us full control over our lives or the future.


So I guess at least in this case, it’s better to just let things be sometimes.
Not everything needs to be predicted or pre-decided — some things are allowed to surprise you. And some things, well... you’ll keep discovering for yourself anyway.


By Divita Nandgaonkar

Edited by Rashee Shetty

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